Simple ways to integrate active consent in your sex life
LEARN TO TAKE A NO
A NO IS A BEAUTIFUL THING, whether it comes from strangers (while cruising for example) or from intimate partners,
It is the first step to healthy communication. You need to be able to welcome and allow a NO to make sure you are not crossing any boundaries.
Many people struggle with the fear of rejection, but remember that there are so many reasons for a no: maybe you look like their ex, maybe you smell like their best friend, maybe they’re not into that or into you for different reasons.
A NO does not diminish the beautiful amazing person you are.
“Do you like this?”
“How can I give you pleasure?”
“What do you like?”
“How does this feel?”
OPEN THE CHANNELS OF COMMUNICATION!!
Pay attention to body language
Hesitation or stillness can be a pretty good sign of your partner being uncomfortable even if they don’t voice it.
Don’t force things, take the time to connect, ask, build trust and make sure everyone feels comfortable.
In places like cruising grounds, darkrooms and sauna, where there is usually less talking, pay attention to the signs and don’t be pushy.
Someone doing a slight no with their head, or ostensibly not look at you, or pushing your hand away are CLEAR SIGNALS.
Think about what YOU want
Take care of your own body and boundaries.
Knowing what you like and don’t can be a good indicator to start drawing your boundaries.
Think about it regularly, think about past experiences, build an understanding of yourself.
Dare to speak about your desires.
This will allow the person to think about it and tell you what they want.
Give them the opportunity to say “yes/no/yes but”.
What is your experience navigating queer spaces & queer intimate relationships? What would you add?